Jokes

Why is NASA afraid of squirrels in space? They eat astro-nuts!

Where does a crow go on vacation?JamaiCAW! 

Some tea bags walk into a bar and the bartender says we don't serve your kind around here. To which tea bags reply “But were hanging on by a thread.”

Some wrestlers walk into a bar and the bartender says "Sorry, we've tapped out."

Some elves walk into a bar and the bartender says we don’t serve your kind around here. “But Legolas is sitting right over there,” the elves say. “Or is he just your Tolkien elf?”

Some headaches walk into a bar and the bartender says we don’t serve your kind around here. One headache takes out bags of barley, oats, and wheat. The headache then says "What about my grains?"

What do shopaholics and amnesiacs have in common? They’re both for-getting things.

I wanted to fail students without giving them f’s, but it was nonetheless d-grading.

Whenever I’m stressed out while working at my computer I like to reload my webpages. I find it very refreshing.

My nose started running during a date. "Darn it," I thought, "I’m totally blowing it."

When NASA was asked if an asteroid was heading for earth, all they could answer was "No, comet."

I want to make a candle out of mentos. I seek light in mint.

My ex was named Luna Sol. They were my half moon bae. 

I looked into lessons for alligator wrangling but it turns out it costs an arm and a leg.